Company Plates
by Himekun
Summary: In which Dean is sent out to buy company plates for the arrival of Gabriel's son. Only, he has no idea what company plates even are. Fifth in the Sabbatical Shorts 'Verse following Knight In Shining Armour. Dean/Cas pre-slash crack. Warning: minor gay bashing.


"Cas, what exactly am I looking for?" Dean walked warily into the big homecare store and had a moment of pure terror as he took in all the customers, stepfordy house wives and little old ladies. Man this was gonna be hell. Again.

"Company plates Dean. It is customary to welcome a guest into your house with company plates." Castiel's voice was slightly tinny over the phone but he could still hear the chopping of vegetables going on in the background. Dean feared for their counter, Cas could be a little… over enthusiastic with a knife, guess that's what happened when you were used to cutting through bone and muscle, a vegetable gave poor resistance.

Cas had gone a little crazy over the news that Gabriel's son Fenrir was to visit. Dean didn't understand why he had to come to _their_ house instead of Gabriel's… well wherever Gabriel disappeared to when he wasn't busy annoying Dean. But Cas, determined to live the human life to the full, wanted to have a big family dinner with home cooked food and company plates. Neither Sam or Dean had any experience in the matter, and Sam, being the snake in the grass he was, had decided he and Jess needed to spend the day at the library looking up suitable jobs in the area. Thus Dean was left with Cas and those angelic baby blues staring at him beseechingly with a promise of apple pie for dessert. He was screwed.

"The internet says company plates are plates of particular aesthetic value that are used only for special occasions." Dean snorted.

"Oh, the internet says, well that's good to know." He walked through the huge display of tableware and frowned. "Er, Cas, there's a lot of stuff here. How do I know what's company plate material and what isn't?" He picked up a set with a fairy design on them and hoped dearly they weren't them. There was no label on them or anything though so he guessed not. Only… what if all of these plates were company plates, they were all pretty expensive. Man this was worse that finding the horseman, at least then you had a trail of deathly destruction to follow.

Cas seemed to be distracted by something and only half answered. "Ask someone."

Dean took a deep calming breath and looked around for a person in one of those little apron thingys. There was a guy just at the far end of the display who looked pretentious and bored. Humans were the worst.

He cleared his throat, lowering the phone a little to attract his attention and smiled. "Hi, er, I was wondering if you could help me. My, er, _friend_ has sent me out to get company plates? But, er, I have no idea what those are. Don't suppose you could point some out or something?" The guy, Friedrich, according to his name tag, sneered slightly.

"Sure," he said speaking slowly, as if Dean was stupid, "I can show you some sets. How many do you need?" Dean was stumped at that. He guessed they needed one for everyone so that was one, two… six maybe? He thought he better check with Cas though. "Hang on a sec." He said to the assistant who raised an eyebrow.

"Hey Cas, Cas!" There was a startled sound as Castiel picked up the phone from wherever he'd put it.

"Dean." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Okay Huggy Bear, how many of these plates we need?" Castiel appeared to be talking to someone else in the room for a minute and Dean frowned.

"Cas, is someone else there? Is it Sam?" Castiel came back to the phone.

"We should get a set of ten plates Inias says, then we will have enough for all occasions." He sounded pleased with this decision. At the mention of Inias though, Dean felt his anger boil.

"Inias? Inias is with you? Cas what did we say, you know he's got a thing for you. You're not safe with him." Castiel sighed.

"Dean, Inias has no romantic or sexual intentions upon my form. He is my aid." Dean snorted.

"Aid my ass. Hey _wait," _he stilled and licked his lips nervously. "You are, you know, wearing proper clothes right? Not of this t-shirt and underwear crap right?" Castiel sighed wearily into the speaker.

"Yes Dean, I am wearing jeans and a shirt. My panties are not visible." Dean let out a breath of relief.

"Good, because those lace things cover nothing and I'm not having him eye you up whilst you're cooking. It's bad enough when you wear the silk stuff but lace, really Cas, you know that stuff isn't made for men right?" Castiel let out an annoyed huff.

"Dean Winchester I raised you from perdition and betrayed Heaven for you, never once did I criticise your choice of undergarment. I would appreciate if you did the same. Go and buy company plates, I am busy cooking." Dean smirked, he loved it when Cas tried to pull the big bad angel card.

"Yes Sir!" He grinned as he shut off the call.

It was only when he turned back to the display he realised the assistant had heard everything he'd said and was now giving him a look of disgust. Dean swallowed. "Er, friend. You know." The man ignored him and pointed towards a section of the display that seemed the most expensive.

"The sets of ten are over there, I'm sure your _boyfriend,_" he said the word like it tasted particularly nasty, "will be satisfied." Dean felt himself flush with embarrassment and anger. It was one thing to have people think he and Cas were together, it was another for them to act like they were cockroaches just because Dean knew what sort of underwear Cas wore. He smiled dangerously.

"Hey, thanks. I'm sure my _friend_, will appreciate it." The assistant snorted.

"Oh please, drop the act. You practically had phone sex with him in front of me. You're as bent and filthy as they come. Always knew queers couldn't keep it in their pants long enough to function, horny fags the lot of you."

Dean's face closed down and became very cold. He may not be gay but he wasn't having this punk talk about Cas like that. Stupid little maggot. He placed a hand on the guy's shoulder and gripped painfully tight when he tried to jerk away.

"Well, at least some of us get laid. Piece of filth like you probably can't get a girl to come within ten feet of your slimy skin. Now if you know what's good for you," he tightened his hand, pressing two long fingers against the jerk's windpipe. "You'll turn around and pretend you never said that and go die in a hole. You understand me."

The assistant was shaking now as he struggled to breathe, wary of making a move in such a crowded place.

"You think I'm bad," he leaned in close so he could hiss in the bastard's ear. "Wait till you meet my other half. He may like girly underwear, but he can kill a guy with one blow of a knife. And he's got some friends too who love to go all wrath of God on pricks like you. If I were you, I'd leave the state."

He pushed the creep away and marched over to the set display. He picked up a set with little bluebirds on because they kind of reminded him of Cas, and headed for the register.

He paid the exorbitant amount and left as inconspicuously as possible. Cas wasn't even with him and he was getting gay bashed for their non-existent relationship. He really needed to be more careful in the future.

Stupid homophobes. Dean always knew normal people were freaks. Thank God for monsters.


End file.
